4 Reasons Why American Men Are So Feminine (Part 2)

by Daphnee Francois

1/17/20266 min read

man in black hoodie wearing black framed eyeglasses
man in black hoodie wearing black framed eyeglasses

This blog post is a continuation of my first post on this topic, so be sure to read 4 Reasons Why American Men Are So Feminine (Part 1).

In this post, I’ll continue to discuss the four reasons why American men exude feminine energy in romantic relationships. To reiterate from part 1: Please do not confuse this with male effeminate behavior, this post is about energies. I have spent 13 years traveling the world and observing (and experiencing) the way men and women romantically interact in different countries. When I returned to the States, boy was I in for a culture shock!

3. Selfishness: What can you do for me?

The third reason why American men are so feminine is just plain ol’ selfishness. Men step into the dating arena demanding, “What will you give me?”, rather than “Here’s what I can give you.” The first approach is selfish because it centers the relationship around himself. On the other hand, the second does the opposite. “But that’s not fair!”, some may begin to whine. However, masculine and feminine energies are not fair–they are simply opposite.

Well then, what’s the woman’s role in all this, you ask. She actively receives. Let’s go back to the intercourse example for visualization sake. If a woman is quiet, still, or passive during intercourse, this weakens the man’s confidence in his performance. However, if she is active in words, sounds, movement, or even how she is breathing, this encourages the performance of the man and ultimately brings pleasure to both parties. Therefore, a giving man is pleasing to both himself and his woman.

Subsequently, men should pay attention to a woman's receptiveness, is it active or passive? Does she receive it at all or does she say she can get it/do it herself? Is she thankful, appreciative, encouraging, or always unimpressed. In other words, does she encourage or discourage your performance? In the latter case, just walk away or try again if you think she’s worth the effort.

As females, although it isn't PC to admit it, we all love the princess treatment. When a gentleman opens the car door and every other door in your way, and pulls out your chair and even helps you remove your coat, you know he’s paying attentative to your needs. Or if you do the ‘polite lift’ of your purse at the end of dinner and he firmly tells you “It’s on me”. Or he gives you meaningful gifts. However, when men refuse to do these things in the name of ‘You do me first’, women assume masculine energy and play housewives. They come over at the ping of a ‘u up?’ text and give their man everything he asks for.

This can last for years because the man is in a feminine position of receiving and he enjoys it. Finally, the woman, tired of operating in her masculine energy, reassumes her feminine energy and asks for a ring. He gives it reluctantly knowing she will want him to assume his masculine energy. After the wedding, he tries to remain in his feminine energy and they divorce two years later because he has become accustomed to operating this way. And as I stated before, two of the same energies cannot be together.

Even in homosexual relationships, although the sexes are the same, the energies are still opposite. One man will assume masculine energy and the other feminine energy. The same is done in lesbian relationships, because opposite energies attract.

Man wearing an anonymous mask looking away.
Man wearing an anonymous mask looking away.

4. Mistaken Identity

Why is it that American men are so comfortable in their feminine energy? It’s because they have a case of mistaken identity. American men have convinced themselves that their feminine energy is actually masculine. They believe that taking from women is a display of male strength because he isn’t being a ‘simp’ by giving to her.

However, it is important to remember that there are 3 components to masculine energy: assertive action, giving, and control. When men assume the female position in a relationship and only actively receive, the female not only takes on the masculine role of giving, she also acquires the assertive action and control in the relationship.

Men also enjoy when women take on the assertive action role. For example, she plans the vacations, books the flights and hotels, and packs their luggages. It’s less work for him, so again, he’s happy to allow her to operate in her masculine energy while he assumes the feminine role.

However, there is one aspect of masculine energy that men do not like to give to women–and that is control. Hence, we constantly hear of the ‘controlling woman’. In her defense, the controlling woman has not taken control from the man, but rather has been given control of the relationship. When a man begins a relationship using his feminine energy, either a woman is repulsed and refuses to date him, or she assumes her masculine energy. In the guise of her masculine energy, she not only gives, she becomes assertive in action, and takes control of the relationship, because masculine energy encapsulates all three components.

As a controller, she tells the man what to do, wear, and how he can improve as a man. He resents and resists this, but only this. She cannot relinquish control and hold onto the other aspects of masculine energy. If a man wants his woman to stop being controlling, he must also ask her to stop taking assertive action in the relationship and to stop being the primary ‘giver’ in the relationship. In essence, he can’t have his cake and eat it too.

a man with a beard
a man with a beard

Conclusion

So where does that leave us? Should we import Latin, Arab, and African men to train American men in the art of operating in their masculine energy? No, but here are three easy tips we can steal from these foreign masters of masculine energy.

#1. “Ciao bella!”

Be up front. A woman will always know why an Italian man approaches her because his first words to her are literally, “Hi, beautiful!” So if you see a woman and want to approach her because you find her attractive, and have the intention to date her–be clear from the start. Leave no room for ambiguity. How do you do that: Compliment her beauty as an opening statement. A compliment will never be turned down as long as it’s done tastefully, i.e. no private-part comments (“Nice breasts/ass”, etc. Safe places: eyes, hair, nails, lipstick color). Her reaction will let you know if you should continue or be a gentleman and keep it moving.

#2. “Let’s go for a coffee.”

Get to the point. Arab men will immediately ask you out on a date if you respond in kind to their bold compliment. This gets the awkward texting and I wonder if she’s into me phase out of the way. The Arab first date is usually at a coffee shop during the daytime. Americans put way too much pressure on the first date: fancy restaurant, evening, flowers, candlelit–no. Keep it casual so you’re more likely to be yourself and keep her comfortable.

#3. “I want you to be my wife.”

Take the wheel. Here’s where you can look to your African brothers for advice. Simply take control of where the relationship is going, if anywhere at all. Now that you've gotten to know her, you can decide if you want to be official or just be friends. Essentially, here’s where you accept or reject her. African men are never ambiguous, they will tell you exactly what they want from you. Now they might be too forward for some, but they definitely won't leave you in the dark.

We see each component of masculine energy at play in the three tips above. Firstly, a man takes assertive action to approach and compliment a woman. Secondly, he takes her on a date and gives her his time and money–he does not split the bill. Finally, he takes control of the direction of the relationship by announcing to her whether or not he wants to keep her in his life. This is the only reason why it seems like American women fall head-over-heels for foreign men. It’s simply because they allow women to fully operate in their feminine energy.